Depression Hurts

Hello fellow Beauties...this is going to be a short post because I just don't have the energy right now for a longer one. Please bear with me--this post won't be about a new (to me, anyway) beauty product or a FOTD, although I know that I promised to do one soon.

This post is about depression...Not the type of topic that one would normally associate with a beauty blog. This entry is a way of venting for me. I do have periodic episodes of depression--not the short term "blues" kind of thing, but serious depression--the type of episodes that seem to drag on forever. Sometimes they are relatively mild, just an "out of sorts" feeling or a vague unease with myself. Other times the episodes are more long lasting and more serious; I begin to feel overwhelmed with major feelings of disconnection, inadequacy, low self-esteem. I am either unable to sleep or the sleep that I do obtain isn't restful; my mental responses are dulled and my physical responses are slowed and my energy levels are depleted. My world turns gray and the deeper the depression runs the darker my world becomes. At my worst point, the negative voices in my head are the only ones that I can hear, screaming and screeching unintelligible things making me feel completely and totally worthless. The constant mental pain is unbearable and exhausting and the feeling of complete isolation during these severe episodes has induced me to contemplate/attempt suicide. NOT a pretty picture.

Trying to juggle an increasingly stressful job situation, maintain a somewhat civil relationship with my separated husband because my children still live with him, and trying to get a handle on some sudden health concerns have all conspired to send me down the "depressive episode" path again. Being a Christian, I know it's not the thing to admit to something like this as one is supposed to "let go and let God", but when I'm in this mode I can't even feel His presence and to my logical mind, letting go in this instance is akin to losing all control. I know that (somewhere) I have the strength and the faith to get through this, but it sure is hard while in the midst. Pray for me to have the strength to hold on, pray for my spiritual shield to be strengthened and pray that in time, God will allow me to see the beauty and the good to come from going through. Be blessed, hugs and peace...janel

Changes, They Are A Comin'...

Hello Everyone! Another quickie type of post to let you all know that I have a 'FOR REAL' website now and it points to this blog! The URL is http://www.levelsofbeauty.com and the new name of my blog is "Levels Of Beauty". I figured that the name would be appropriate because as I believe I said in an earlier blog posting I'm about more than just a pretty face! Makeup and enhancing all of our God given natural beauty is all well and good; HOWEVER, all of the most expensive and beautifully applied makeup in the world will not do much for you if your attitude, both spiritually and mentally aren't beautiful as well. Personally, I think that perfecting outer beauty is the easiest of the three--let's face it, even if you are starting off with a really rough canvas to paint, with the skillful maneuvering of a few brushes, some moisturizer, and some appropriately shaded cosmetic products, almost everyone can look beautifully glamourous. This is not necessarily the case with the development of spiritual and mental beauty. Developing beauty on these two levels involves getting to know you deepest self and working and really focusing on developing the best parts of yourself for yourself. Often, gaining this kind of self-knowledge is a slow and sometimes painful process and it comes in fits and starts; learning to come to an understanding (and yes, an appreciation)of one's good, bad and downright ugly components takes a long time. But, as you become more and more accepting of yourself and learn to love and embrace yourself (even your imperfections), your spiritual self grows as well as your mental self. When this happens, your God-given beauty shines through, with or without makeup and then, in my opinion, you are walking in the WAY of true beauty.

Anyway, as the title of the post says, changes, they are a comin'--first a new name, then a new game (couldn't resist the rhyme! I hope to be giving my blog a new look over the next several days or weeks and you can also expect the scope of this blog to expand to include discussion about anything beautiful: art, literature, theatre, dance, etc. You are, of course, more than welcome to make comments and send me feedback or if you'd like, guest on my blog! Talk with me about submitting an article or review--if I feel it's warranted, I'll post it here! Just drop me a line at janel@levelsofbeauty.com and let me know. Now, it's off to bed, because I can barely keep my eyes open and I have yet another long day tomorrow! I'll post again really soon and let me know what you think about the changes and the new direction! Be blessed, hugs and peace! janel

Hey Guys...

just a quick post...My NYX (http://www.nyxcosmetics.com) order arrived today--YEAHHHH! This was such a nice thing to come home to, especially after being told that I couldn't have this day off (I am usually off on Fridays) because I'd had off Sunday (my other regular day off from work) and had taken two vacation days (Monday and Tuesday of this week) to recover (partially) from inventory madness. Well, I didn't stay at work the entire day...I kinda said "f$%@#* this" and left. I'd already scheduled my staff as if I was going to be off today anyway, since that was my original intention. Sooo...to get home and find this little box was just soooo wonderful! Once again I am amazed at the promptness of delivery and the shadows and pencils are great! The jumbo eye pencils are so creamy and go on so smoothly with very little pressure and the shadows at luscious. I think the cherry e/s is going to really pop with either the yogurt or cottage cheese eye pencils as a base--will have to play around with it tomorrow. Maybe I can get up a little earlier tomorrow and do a quick tute before I go in to work? We'll see...I just can't wait to play with this stuff! Now, if I can just get in the pigments that I ordered from The Body Needs (http://www.thebodyneeds.com)...I'll have even more stuff to play with (sigh!) I just LOVE makeup--wish I had money for more because more is never enough,....er..right? Be blessed, hugs, and peace...janel

The Promised FOTD Using the Black Radiance Cosmetics...

that I bought yesterday! The colors are pretty; HOWEVER, I am not very impressed with the payoff or the staying power of these shadows. IT COULD BE ME, but I found the colors much more pigmented in the case than on my skin, which is really unfortunate because the colors are really good ones for me. They just don't "pop" on my skintone. I will keep trying to work with them, since I have them and let's face it, I would really, really like to wear them if at all possible since I've already spent the money!!! I will also try using a different base under the shadows to see if that will help the color to "pop out" more. The sheer blush in Soft Honey is a definite keeper in my opinion; the color is very soft, sheer and natural--just right for a really casual made-up look.

On to other beauty news: I sent off another order to NYX cosmetics last night; should get them either the end of this week or the first of next week--YAYYY! So far, I have loved every one of the eye shadows that I've order from them and here's what the new order was for: Jumbo eye Pencils in milk, strawberry milk, cottage cheese, and yogurt and Single Eye Shadows in cream cheese, purple, and cherry. I've been told by some of y'all that the jumbo pencils work great as e/s bases--we shall see. I've been looking for a true purple eye shadow and a really red eye shadow. I have Red Head by NYX, but it's not really a true red, at least when I put it on. So, the search continues. I think I'll try some of their lippies next time--I saw some beautiful colors on the website that I've just gotta try!!! I also ordered some MAC pigments from The Body Needs (http://www.thebodyneeds.com, sample sizes at $1.59 each) in the following colors: rushmetal, fuchsia, deep purple, electric coral, basic red and dark soul. I've not used pigments before, so this should be a lot of fun to experiment with--I'm excited!!

The glycerin/water home-made mixing medium is working out great!!! I've been using it every day before putting on my eye shadows for the day and WOW!! Let me tell ya--the wear is just fantastic! Absolutely no creasing or flaking of any of my eye shadows--it just doesn't move! And with me having been running 12-14 and even 15 hour days for the last several weeks during inventory, I can truly say that the eye makeup was lasting wayyy longer than yours truly! If it hadn't been for the fact that after about 10 hours nothing is going to stop the oilies, my makeup would have been perfect! Koren of Enkore Makeup, thanks so much for the recipe for this stuff--it's DA BOMB!!! Oh yeah--forgot to let you all know that I did indeed grab another Runway Eyes Fashion Shadows Palette by Milani a couple of weeks ago. This time the Glamorous Gems Collection with the greens and the golds. I haven't done a look with this yet, but I'll get to it within a week of so. For now, I guess I need to stop and get some food in my system. How do you makeup mavens do this--surely you have sponsors that kick samples to you? Or do you all really go broke trying out all the new stuff? Let a sista know, okay--I'm having a blast doing reviews but dang--i can't keep buyin' this stuff all the time (much as I would love to) and still feed my face and take care of other necessary stuff, right? Be blessed, hugs and peace...janel

Well, I Survived...

Hey everyone! Well, I survived inventory madness at the store but I am definitely not over it. For some reason this year my energy was just totally zapped by the process. I feel like something that the cat dragged in and then left...just not my finest moment. I have to admit though, I did stay as beautiful as possible during the whole thing, despite the major lack of sleep and the major, major stress factor--full makeup everyday, jewelry, earrings, the whole nine yards. I felt like sh**, but I looked great doing it! (What a great TV ad clip--can't you just see it?!?) Hence the dry spell with the entries.

I go in tomorrow to get several tests done at the hospital--mammogram, bone density testing and an MRI of my thyroid. This exhaustion just doesn't seem to want to go away, even with massive amounts of sleep, which I have actually had for the last couple of days, since inventory is over. Don't know why I feel so lethargic. We'll see how it goes and what's found, if anything. I did go out for a short while today and I picked up a couple of cosmetics, both by Black Radiance. A "sheer blush" by Black Radiance in "Soft Honey"--a darkish brown-y, peach-y color and an eyeshadow quad by Black Radiance called "Deep Tapestry"--colors are (my color descriptions, since they aren't described individually) a kinda raisin-y brownish-red, a dull gold, an aubergine and a taupe-y, gray-ish kinda thing (really hard to describe that one, but very pretty!) I'll try to get off a YouTube tutorial and an FOTD with them before I go for the tests tomorrow. For now, here are some swatches:

Pic on left is of the blush, second pic is of the shadows in the quad. These were not very expensive; they were $3.47 each at my Wal-Mart. Not beauty related, I also picked up a couple of CD's that were marked down at Target, Lionel Ritchie and John Legend. Now, tell me you just don't feel beautiful while listening to these two modern day crooners!!! LOL Anyway, I'm off to check the NYX and MAC websites before the next bout of sleep claims me! Be blessed, hugs and peace...janel

Workplace Rant: What a Manager Ain't...

GUESS WHAT?!?...

Hey everybody! Guess What?!? I won first place in my first ever makeup contest entry! Remember the "drugstore makeup look" contest that I told you all about a couple of entries ago--the one set up by Barstowmama on Youtube? Well, I entered two looks, one in the formal makeup look category and one in the casual makeup look category and I got first place in the casual makeup look category...I am SOOOO PSYCHED!!! I NEVER win anything...this is just too awesome, especially since there were so many really good entries. I don't know what the prize is yet, but I'll be sure to let you all know as soon as I do! If you haven't checked out the video of my casual makeup look using drugstore only brand cosmetics, here's a link to the YouTube video:
I still just can't believe it! I've had it in my head lately to do a fantasy type makeup look. Bmorelikebree, Vintage Goddess on the Nappurality natural hair forum, says that maybe I should issue a fantasy makeup look challenge on the NP beauty board. I'm seriously thinking about it--I think it would be kinda fun. Would any of you all enter? Mind you, this would just be a challenge, not an actual contest, as I don't have the funds to get prizes. I'd just like to see what folks came up with. Anyway, this is food for thought, and I might even try doing a fantasy look for my next entry on this blog--my off day is Friday the 8th (I hope!) Guess I'd better run and get myself in bed; another long pre-inventory day tomorrow--be blessed y'all, hugs and peace! janel

Hey Peoples--Quick Post

Hello peoples! Just a quickie posting before I go play at work--putting up a tutorial using colors from my new Wales palette just like I said I would! Tell me what you think, okay? The colors are really pretty and they seem to wear well. Goes on very smoothly and just about all of them in the palette look great on my darker skin! Hope y'all enjoy the tute! Gotto run, will post more later...be blessed, hugs and peace! janel